HP People Transported to the Movie Dr. Strangelove
by Tualha
Summary: POSTED ON J. K. AND HARRY'S BIRTHDAY!!! Yay!! Okay, weird little fic. Supposed to be funny, but...oh well, just read it, AND REVEIW!!! If I don't get at least 10 reviews in the first week, NO MORE 'CONFESSION'! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha...you get the


A/N: Okay, I know that I have to finish my series so far, but I had this really good idea for a random insanity/song fic that I really want to do.So I will.And I promise, the Confession series will come right after.The song, by the way, is by Weird Al.He's funny.This fic is where my true mental state shows.By the way, the segments can be seen as very short chapters.Oh, and if you haven't seen the movie, and you want to, DON'T READ THIS!!!!It tells the ending.

**_The Cast of Harry Potter Gets Transported into the Movie "Dr. Strangelove"_**

_An Original Fanfic by Tualha_

One day, Harry Potter wakes up.It is Christmas Vacation, and he is expecting a visit from Sirius, who had been cleared in his fifth year.All of his friends, Hermione, Ron, the other dorm mates, had stayed for a couple of days to be at the visit.Malfoy was there, too, but only because his parents were in Azkaban.They had been caught as Death Eaters.They could not be acquitted this time.Anyway, Harry Potter wakes up one day.His heart is filled with joy, and yet…there's still some trepidation…why?

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_I'm drivin' a truck_

_Drivin' a big ol' truck_

_Pedal to the medal, hope I don't run out of luck_

_Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn_

_Drivin' a truck with my high heels on._

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Everyone gathers in the Gryffindor Common Room.They are the only ones there.Sirius come in as a dog, and lets everyone pet him and scratch behind his ears.The he transforms.They notice that he has brought a bag.From it, he pulls out a small, portable, battery-operated TV/VCR.There is also a videotape.He explains what these things are to the purebloods.Then, he tells them what video it is.

"Hey, Harry, Hermione, this is a movie called "Dr. Strangelove".Have you heard of it?It's American, so maybe not…"

"No," Hermione replies, worriedly."But, Sirius, you can't use that here, it will go haywire…"

But Sirius wasn't listening.He had already popped the tape in.And he was pressing play.

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_My diesel rig is northward bound_

_It's time to put that hammer down_

_Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by…_

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The credits started rolling.Suddenly, sparks began to fly.The screen started to fluctuate, as if someone was hitting it from the inside.Then, a gap formed, and it grew larger, finally taking the whole surface of the TV.Harry began to feel a sucking, as if from a vacuum.It grew stronger and stronger, until he felt his feet lifting from the ground, feeling himself be pulled forwards as had only happened to him twice before…He grabbed the had of Hermione, his obvious girlfriend, and felt her squeeze it back…He felt his feet touch the ground, and looked about him, determining his surroundings.They were in a hallway, facing the doorway to a large room.The walls were plastered with maps, the floor was occupied by a huge table and chairs, and over the door, there was a sign saying "**War Room**".Suddenly, Harry noticed something.There was no color.Anywhere.He whirled around.The world was black and white.

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_I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel_

_But it's sure hard to hold the wheel_

_While I'm still waiting for my nails to dry._

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Harry, panicked, reached into his robe pocket to get his wand, only to find that it wasn't there.Not his wand; his pocket.He was wearing military garb, and on his chest there was a badge saying "Harry Potter: Royal Air Force".Everyone else had similar clothes and pins.Herm was "Royal Forces Administration"; Dean and Sirius were "Royal Ground Force"; Seamus was "Royal Aquatic Forces"; and Malfoy was (sadly) also RAF.Neville was the exception; he was wearing a suit and a badge bearing the words "British Ambassador".Everyone looked the same, but as old as Sirius.Harry, still upset, ran a hand over his hair and forehead, just to make sure.Hermione, looking very scared yet beautiful, and trying to be brave, had walked over to him.He put his arm around her waist, and tried to act as though he wasn't worried.There was a crowd of Americans rushing into the room around them, and then taking seats.The group of wizards and witch followed suit. 

"I told you this would happen," Hermione hissed to Sirius.

"What, what happened," replied everyone else.

"I…I think that we're in the movie."

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_Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rearview mirror_

_And my pink angora sweater fits so tight_

_I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight _

_Well, I sure hope my seams are straight_

_Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight!_

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There were whispers of "No, that can't be right" and things like that.Everyone was in denial.Then, a voice out of nowhere commanded them.

"Hey!You Brits get in here!And hustle!"

They had no idea who it was, but complied anyway.Slowly and cautiously, they made their way into the room.There were seven empty seats scattered about the table.Luckily, they all had double-sided plaques on the table in front of them, so that everyone knew where to sit.Neville was near the President.Dean and Sirius were next to each other, and not to far from Harry, who was next to (ugh!) Malfoy.Hermione was seated near an incredibly cute military-looking man.Harry saw this and sulked.Seamus had sat somewhere near a gut in a navy suit.There were many more people there, though they were all American.The President explained the problem.A psycho officer had ordered some planes to bomb Russia.This, apparently, was very bad, for if they bombed Russia, Russia would bomb America, and there would be a nuclear war.For some reason, people though that this wouldn't be incredibly funny, and I have no idea why.So everyone started talking about solutions, wondering what they could do.They needed a three-letter code to cancel the operation, and no one knew what it was.Not even the President (gasp!).It looked like war was inevitable.

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_Because I'm drivin' a truck_

_Drivin' a bid ol' truck_

_Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck_

_Got these eighteen wheels a-rollin' until the break of dawn_

_Drivin' a truck with my high heels on._

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"Wait," Hermione interrupted, "all we need to know is what this guy's favorite three-word saying is, or what his favorite letters are or something."

She spoke reasonably, and many people nodded in agreement.But the Secretary looked annoyed.

"Please, Miss Granger, wait your turn," he snapped.

"Yeah, wait your turn, you filthy little Mudblood," Malfoy sneered.All of the wizards jumped up furiously, even Neville.

"Oh, if I had my wand," most of them were growling.

"Hey, Malfoy, maybe you'd like to be a nice little ferret again," taunted Sirius.Harry, Ron, and Hermione had told him just about everything from the years that he had been imprisoned.Anyway, all of the men started towards Malfoy angrily, but were soon stopped.

"Please, gentlemen, you can't fight in the War Room!"The President had stopped what might have been a very bad fight.Everyone sat down, still smoldering.

"So, um, when will I get my turn," Hermione asked nervously.She was truly afraid of a fight starting, certainly **_NOT_** because she liked Malfoy (::Hermione looks pointedly at all of those fic writers out there who, for some truly odd reason, thinks she does (L)::), but because she knew that, even though the boys tried to control it, some magic would be revealed to the Muggles.Wondering what to do, she stood and waited for an answer.

"Well," the Secretary said, pretending to ponder, "seeing as you're British, and the only woman…Wait just a cotton-picking minute!_You're a woman!!!_"

"Oh, I hadn't noticed.Yes, and?"Hermione spoke irritably and sarcastically.

"And, Miss Granger, that means that you are not allowed in the War Room.If you would kindly leave, it would be greatly appreciated."The Secretary had spoken silkily, even though you could tell that he was enjoying every moment of his little statement.It reminded Harry of Snape just a tad bit too forcibly.He was unnerved.Hermione, however, was truly offended, and stalked out of the room after mouthing "Later" to Harry and the rest of the Gryffindors.Suddenly, though, she had an inkling of a memory.She had seen this movie before…

Wide-eyed, she ran back to the doorway, and beckoned wildly to Harry, who came quickly.

"What's so urgent," he asked a bit anxiously.

"Harry, Harry I saw this movie before, and I remember…"

"What?What's going to happed?"

"Harry, this movie…oh, I don't know how to say this…Harry, this movie…it…it…Harry, this movie ends in Armageddon!"

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ But I'm still drivin' a truck_

_Drivin' a big ol' truck_

_Headin' down the interstate just tryin' to make a buck_

_Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon_

_While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on._

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Harry wasted no time telling the others, with the exception of Malfoy, and they all sat quietly from then on, trying to figure out just what to do.

Malfoy, on the other hand, already knew what was going to happen.He had known it for a very long time, for he was sitting next to the Russian ambassador.They had been whispering in hushed tones nearly all of the time, and Malfoy now knew about the doomsday device.He was trying to convince the ambassador to use it.He had succeeded.The rest of the movie passed slowly, all negotiations and such.Near the end, there was a small clicking sound, and it could be truthfully said that the ambassador had a small, stopwatch-looking device with a button in his hand at the time.There was a very large BOOM, some footage of mushroom clouds, then everything went black for Harry Potter, the boy who lived.His last thoughts were about his parents, and the year.Tom Riddle would just be getting into school…Harry closed his eyes, and fell into the darkness.

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_I'm drivin' a truck_

_Drivin' a truck_

_Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck_

_And I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon_

_So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on._

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One day, Harry Potter wakes up, vaguely remembering a truly odd dream.It is Christmas Vacation, and he is expecting a visit from Sirius, who had been cleared in his fifth year.All of his friends, Hermione, Ron, the other dorm mates, had stayed for a couple of days to be at the visit.Malfoy was there, too, but only because his parents were in Azkaban.They had been caught as Death Eaters.They could not be acquitted this time.Anyway, Harry Potter wakes up one day.His heart is filled with joy, and yet…there's still some trepidation…why?

A/N2: Okay, this was supposed to be funny, but it really wasn't.Oh well.Yes, I know that the song had nothing to do with the story, but…oh well!That was supposed to be funny, too.This was all really sort of stupid.I'm only posting it because I need a birthday gift to J. K., the goddess, and I don't have time to write another.All you Confession fans, I'll start on 2 Tuesday.I have mornings free this week, so it should be up by Friday.Unless I get lazy.Which is possible.Oh, and Dr. Strangelove was this German guy in the movie (it took place shortly after WWII) that was reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyyyyy strange.Like me (grin)! J!Anyway, to the annoying disclaimer.

Annoying Disclaimer: All characters from HP belong to the goddess Joanne Kathleen Rowling, all Dr. Strangelove thingies belong to some people who I don't know, they made the movie.The song, "Truck Drivin' Song", belongs to Weird Al Yankovic.Oh, and all products of my demented cerebrum belong to the hyper-intelligent penguins from the story The Mis-Adventures of Bill and Dr. Ernie, which was written by my good friend Emily.Her e-mail is [fire_loki@hotmail.com][1], but don't expect answer.

   [1]: mailto:fire_loki@hotmail.com



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